Missing God

I met God at Wild Boar today -- coming in from the soft snow, I found a small table in a corner looking out the window. Normally I like studying to the sound of other chatting college students and chill music playing overhead, but this time I decided to pull out the headphones and plug in some of my favorite worship tunes.

Hot chocolate in hand, I stared out the window, watching the snow fall while listening to "All Creatures of Our God and King" by David Crowder Band, my heart in worshipful prayer. I spent about an hour reading Genesis, praying, and just closing my eyes and letting the words of the music sink in. And somewhere in the midst of listening to "Soon" by Hillsong United, "Beauty" and "Centuries" by Aaron Strumpel (very talented singer-songwriter from Fort Collins), and reading 2 Timothy 2 for my Bible study, I was hit with a pain of longing I don't feel very often.

It was a pain of really missing my Heavenly Father. Which is weird because what I miss of Him -- His visible, physical, tangible presence -- is something I've never had to begin with, so how can I miss it? But I do. It's this innate feeling, something faint, as if I was there in the Garden of Eden when everything fell apart. It's a shared memory of mankind, a longing, a "missing," that runs in our veins, in our very being. And I really miss God, to the point of tears sometimes. And then I know what I long for is nothing this world can give me, nothing man can give me -- I want the Creator, I desire His heart. In the very pit of my stomach, I crave more of Him.

So why is it so hard sometimes for me to spend time with Him? Shouldn't I be clinging to whatever I can have of Him? Taking whatever I can get for now? But then I think about some long-distance relationships/friendships -- sometimes we can miss someone so much, but when they're away, we get distracted by the things we can see, and we begin to pull away from the person we can't see anymore.

I want to miss God more, that I spend more time with Him, content with what He's given me of Him right now, and eagerly looking forward to His returning.

"Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well." --Hillsong United

I recommend reading 2 Corinthians 5:2-3, 6-9.